Master Cleanse Day 1. I’m dying…. I’m dead.


^ A photo of optimism

Oh you’re hungry?? Here, just drink this FIRE WATER!

After 4-5 days vegetarian to prepare for the Master Cleanse day 1 is finally here. Woke up feeling pretty good, the book says that if I’m hungry to simply just drink a lemonade drink…. the book sits on a throne of lies. Drank my laxative tea when I woke up, burned my tongue again, I don’t drink coffee so apparently I’m not used to drinking hot drinks. Then after about the recommended hour I made my first “lemonade drink” aka fire water. The organic lemons smelled good, shouldn’t be too bad. It sucks. It sucks bad. It was so hot I couldn’t even finish it. The maple syrup tastes pretty gross mixed with the other ingredients. Not to mention I am not really even a big fan of maple syrup to begin with. I don’t really like sweets much. Only a minimum of 5 more to go!

The second drink I cut back on the cayenne. Also, it did take me a while to choke down the first drink which in turn makes the cayenne steep and the drink gets progressively hotter. So I know now to drink it much faster, within 10 minutes. I want a steak.

This is a screen shot of my phone at 5 p.m.


I want a burger. Fried chicken. Stuff I don’t even eat I want, I want anything and everything. I don’t think I’m gonna make it. Who actually does this?? I want hibachi, a Whopper, a steak again, Portillos, oh Portillos, fried rice, a tenderloin sandwich, I want hummus and pita. A few times I thought “I can eat right now if I want to, I can just go and eat”. I can’t even keep track of my cravings anymore. I’m sure it’s part mental but I am just so hungry, my stomach has been growling since I woke up until I went to bed. The drinks don’t make my hunger go away. I have no energy, am totally lethargic as well. I ended up drinking 5 drinks, it’s all I could, and really the thought of the last one made me want to vom. I don’t think I’m going to make it guys……

At least I made it past 1/2 day and 1 day which some of you voted for!

Any questions are welcome, nothing is too personal, I am happy to answer any.

❤ Shel


Pre Master Cleanse Vegetarian Day 5 Last Day! Body Measurements & Food

Last day vegetarian before I start the Master Cleanse tomorrow! I bought a bag of organic lemons and a pill form herbal parasite cleanser today. Tonight I am supposed to weigh myself and take body measurements. I actually don’t own a scale and don’t really feel like buying one for this but I will take measurements. I also get the pleasure tonight of drinking my first laxative tea before bed (sexy).

I ate things today that are normal meals I eat all the time. These are nothing fancy, I make this salad all the time and I always have these ingredients on hand.

Trusty Salad

  • Dark greens (I like baby spinach, arugula, or mixed greens)
  • Hard boiled egg
  • Goat cheese
  • Garbanzo beans
  • Mushrooms
  • Dressing (I just drizzle evoo and lemon juice, s&p)


This is one of my most favorite solitary dinners! I eat this ALL the time. It is just a frozen individual quiche (I don’t feel apologetic about that) from Trader Joes (my favorite place) and I ALWAYS eat it with a side of greens dressed with evoo & lemon juice, s&p. I don’t always add goat cheese but I did today. Also something to not be apologetic about, I use bottled lemon juice. I don’t always have fresh lemons and this way I can always make these things anytime, I like an Italian kind but any will do.


So I’m not sure if I took these measurements right and I was not in the buff but I’ll take them the same way when I stop the cleanse so it’s fine haha.

Chest: 34 3/4in  Waist: 30in Hips: 34.5in Thigh:21.5in

The laxative tea tastes like drinking wood and I burned my tongue…..

Pre Master Cleanse Vegetarian Days 3 & 4

Day 3 of going vegetarian before the Master Cleanse was a success!

Food Journal:

  • Juice
  • Crawfish etouffee with rice, bread
  • Salad with ginger dressing
  • Sushi: Scallop nigiri
  • Ika teriyaki (squid dish)

I was a bit hungry before I went to bed but I didn’t eat anything else. I figured the wine I had with my sushi had to have amped up my calorie intake right? Eating sushi while going vegetarian reminded me of the one time I got it right while my best friend Pnut (see, I even call my friends names of food) was a vegetarian for 3 years until fairly recently. I had previously brought a bacon dip to her house for a game night, oops! And one time I ordered a steak carpaccio for us to share during happy hour (raw steak, double oops). I finally got it right when I brought vino and a big sushi platter over! Okay, I’m not disclosing all the info, the sushi and wine may or may not have been for a Teen Mom viewing gathering….

I’ve decided to add an herbal parasite cleanser to my master cleanse, it’s not required but recommended. Why not get weirder?

Day 4

Not too much going on, vegetarian was a success today. Today was kind of a shmorgishborg/leftover day. I thought I should start cleaning out my fridge before I stop eating food.

Food Journal

  • Juice
  • Leftover ettouffee and pasta
  • hardboiled egg
  • Raw veggies and pecan blue cheese dip
  • Half of a baked potato (butter/sour cream)

One more day vegetarian! Okay, now I’m getting nervous, the no meat thing I can handle I don’t know what I’m going to do when I can’t eat any food at all……

❤ Shel

Pre Master Cleanse Vegetarian Day 2

Day 2 on going vegetarian to prep for The Master Cleanse was a success! No bacon!

Food Journal:

  • Morning juice x2 (I never eat breakfast)
  • Sandwich: Roasted garlic hummus, cucumber, avocado, mushrooms on whole wheat.
  • Cheez its (I know, I know, my mom bought them for me when she visited town, I don’t normally buy them)
  • Made a pasta with fettuccine, sautéed spinach, sautéed mushrooms, grilled shrimp, and goat cheese
  • Homemade chick pea soup (from freezer)

I tend to make batches of soups and freeze them in individual portions, takes about 10 mins to defrost and heat on stove top. This is one of my favorites, there is no exact recipe I just sort of made it up. Add what you have on hand or what you like. I tend to have these ingredients on hand most of the time and I wouldn’t go out to buy just one. And it happens to be vegetarian if you don’t use chicken stock!

Chick Pea Soup

  • Can chick peas (garbanzo, drained)
  • Rosemary (if I don’t have fresh on hand I use dried, it’s fine)
  • EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) regular olive oil is fine too
  • Onion (optional, sometimes I have one on hand, sometimes I don’t)
  • Vegetable stock, chicken stock, broth (I always have different flavored cubes in my pantry but use what you like)
  • Potato (optional if you have one)
  • Pasta (any kind, I always have a few boxes laying around)
  • S&P (salt and pepper)

This is super easy. Drizzle of evoo in pot. Add chopped onion (if using), cubed potato (if using) add rosemary, cook a few minutes. Add can of chick peas , s&p, mash about half of chick peas with fork/potato masher/any mashing device to give the soup texture. Add stock/broth, pasta and cook about 15/20 mins. Optional to be fancy when serving, drizzle of evoo, grated parmesan cheese.

My goal for my recipes is to make cooking a stress free experience. I would not want someone to have to make a special trip to the store just for 1 or 2 ingredients. Take my base recipe and go with it. Don’t have chick peas? Try cannellini beans. Don’t have rosemary? Try thyme. Don’t have an onion? Try a shallot. A minced garlic clove is also good in this, add with onions. You’ll be fine 😉

There you have it, one of my original recipes. When this whole cleanse is over I would love to share more with you! I have a goal of one day writing a cook book. Right now its a notebook full of random pages and scribbles but you have to start somewhere right?!

Here’s to day 3!

❤ Shel

Pre Master Cleanse Vegetarian Day 1 Bust….

Vegetarian  Bust Day 1

Okay so my first day going vegetarian to prep for The Master Cleanse resulted in me frying up bacon at 2am but I can explain!!!

I went vegetarian for about two weeks last year after watching the documentary “Earthlings” and didn’t have too much of a problem. I eat vegetarian a lot without even meaning to. That stint ended when I visited home (Chicago) and went to Portillos and had an Italian beef which let’s be honest, who in their right mind could resist that? Ugh, I want one now. If you don’t know what Portillos is I suggest you order online, they ship all over. (Yes, I have done this) The problem with today was that I didn’t do it properly and eat enough so it resulted in me starving at 2am and I guess only bacon could do. Back to me being a fat kid, I keep bacon stashed in individual portions in bags in my freezer so I will never run out.

Food journal:

  • Two glasses of juice in the morning (I do this every morning its usually orange, apple, or cranberry)
  • Half of a baked potato
  • Raw cherry tomatoes
  • Cucumber sticks
  • Raw mushrooms
  • Pecan blue cheese dip
  • Cheez its (See! I didn’t eat enough so I snacked on junk)
  • BACON, egg, cheddar, potato scramble and natural pita crackers

I will vow to do better these next 4 days!

❤ Shel



So I went to the health food store to gather my supplies:

  • Organic Grade B formaldehyde free maple syrup (definitely needed help with that one)
  • Organic Cayenne (this was in bulk and I had no idea how much to get so I just guessed 1.5oz)
  • Herbal laxative (great) I got mine in the form of a tea

I will get organic lemons and either a bunch of water of a new filter for my Pur closer to start date.

I was an airhead and at first I thought I needed honey and after being explained the different types I realized it was maple syrup I needed. I was kind of embarrassed checking out with the tea to be honest but the fear of actually drinking it still outweighs that. It is either that or drink some weirdo sea salt flush mixture and the salt passes through your body and acts as a laxative, I’ll pass.

And then the moment happened after the health food store when my boyfriend and I were sitting in the car in a parking lot and I was eating a burger from Steak N Shake and I really thought “How am I going to do this?!” I’m sitting in a car eating a burger right after getting the materials for my cleanse! He was literally waiting for me to finish so we could go in the store and look for new chef shoes for him….I told you guys I really am a fat kid inside, it’s just hidden in my tiny body. Tomorrow is day 1 of going vegetarian 4-5 days prior to cleansing. Wish me luck!


In case you’re wondering that ^ is bone marrow 😉